According to Mike Robbins, author of “Focus on the Good Stuff,” it is important to tell others the truth. Sometimes we think that appreciation is all about being “nice.” It’s really about recognizing the value of someone or something and about being able to empower ourselves and others. It is also about coming from a place of gratitude, respect, and truth in our relationships with the people around us. Giving people honest feedback can be one of the best ways to appreciate them and let them know we that we care about them.

Before you give someone honest feedback you must have a foundation of trust and appreciation in your relationship with them. It’s also important to ask their permission and make sure it’s okay with them before you launch into your feedback.

It takes real courage to speak your truth to another person. In addition, understand your intention. If your intention is to make a difference for that person, “clear” something that might be in your way with them, or help them see something they may not be able to see – you’re coming from a place that can empower and ultimately support that person. However, if your intention is to be superior, to show them how wrong they are and how right you are, or some version of either of these two things, then you are coming from your ego and your “truth” that will most likely push them away.

Regardless of how we go about this, in the end it’s almost always better for us to speak up than not. We learn more about ourselves, get closer to the other person, as well as grow in the process.

When someone speaks a “hard truth” to you, you may have a tendency to push back and defend yourself initially. Try to hear the feedback and learn from it. More importantly, appreciate the other person’s willingness and courage to say something honest and potentially vulnerable to you.

Look at your relationships, especially the most important ones. Where are you not telling the truth, not giving feedback, or worried to say something honest? What would it take for you to be willing to tell them the truth? What are you afraid of? What would be possible in your relationship with them if you spoke up? Speaking your truth to the most important people in your life is a great gift and will strengthen your relationships. Remember to speak your truth with appreciation, honesty and kindness.

“Slow down and make building relationships as important as building projects” is a quote from “Three Cups of Tea” by Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin. Their message teaches us an important lesson about other cultures and the importance of relationships.

Greg Mortenson, an American, committed out of passion to build a school for the children in Balti (Pakistan). Once construction began, he drove the workers hard without significant progress and built resentment from the workers. Haji Ali, a Baltistan, told him that if he wanted to thrive in Baltistan, he must respect their ways. Haji Ali said, “The first time you share tea with a Balti, you are a stranger. The second time you take tea, you are an honoree guest. The third time you share a cup of tea, you become family, and for our family, we are prepared to do anything, even die.” Greg Mortenson learned an important lesson about other cultures. He followed this tradition and the workers accelerated productivity and completed the school in a relative short time.

What an incredible example of caring and compassion for others and serving others and the community.

According to Mike Robbins, a well-known author, we get offended by what people say, things on TV, opposing political opinions (especially these days), noise, music, traffic, weather, our family, different view points, and so much more. We believe we are right and others are wrong, if they don’t agree with us. Many of our opinions are self-righteous. Can you relate? What if we allowed others to be as they are? We take so many things personally that have nothing to do with us. When you are reacting emotionally to someone or something, it’s your shadow or mirror that this negative thing is showing you about yourself and life. The more we react to something, the less freedom and peace we have.
1) It’s not all about you. Even though it may seem like someone is being rude to you or something is happening directly to you, most of the time the things you take personally or get offended by have little or nothing to do with you.
2) Have compassion for others. While you don’t have to simply allow people to treat you poorly or let them walk all over you, if you can have compassion for them instead of assuming they’re out to get you, it makes life more peaceful all the way around. Often when other people act in a way you find “offensive,” they are having a difficult time themselves.
3) Right or happy, you choose? In life, you have a choice – you can be right or you can be happy, not both. When you’re obsessed about being right all the time – you’re easily offended. When you let go of your need to be right, you have the space to be happy, peaceful, and joyful.